HILARIOUS JOKES AND HUMOR ARCHIVES

An elderly woman called the hospital to inquire about the health of a patient.

"Hospital Operator? Hello, Darling. I'd like to talk with the person who gives the information about the patients. But I don't want to know if the patient is better or doing like expected, or worse. I want all the information from top to bottom, from A to Z."

The voice on the other line said, "Would you hold the line please, that's a very unusual request." Then a very authoritative voice came on and said, "Are you the lady who is calling about one of the patients?"

She said, "Yes, darling! I'd like to know the information about Sarah Finkel in Room 302."

He said, "Finkel. Finkel. Let me see. Farber, Feinberg... Finkel. Oh yes, Mrs. Finkel is doing very well. In fact, she's had two full meals, and her doctor says if she continues improving as she is he is going to send her home today at twelve o'clock."

The woman said, "Thank God! That's wonderful! She's going home at twelve o'clock! I'm so happy to hear that. That's wonderful news."

"From your enthusiasm," the man on the other end said, "I take it you must be a close family member."

She said, "What close family? I'm Sarah Finkel! My doctor doesn't tell me anything."

Bless the LORD, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless his holy name. Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits: who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases; who redeemeth thy life from destruction; who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies; who satisfieth thy mouth with good things; so that thy youth is renewed like the eagle's.

The LORD executeth righteousness and judgment for all that are oppressed. He made known his ways unto Moses, his acts unto the children of Israel. The LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and plenteous in mercy.

He will not always chide: neither will he keep his anger for ever. He hath not dealt with us after our sins; nor rewarded us according to our iniquities. For as the heaven is high above the earth, so great is his mercy toward them that fear him.

As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us. Like as a father pitieth his children, so the LORD pitieth them that fear him. For he knoweth our frame; he remembereth that we are dust.

As for man, his days are as grass: as a flower of the field, so he flourisheth. For the wind passeth over it, and it is gone; and the place thereof shall know it no more. But the mercy of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting upon them that fear him, and his righteousness unto children's children; to such as keep his covenant, and to those that remember his commandments to do them. -Psalms 103:1

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