CLEAN JOKE OF THE DAY NEWSLETTER'S
HILARIOUS JOKES AND HUMOR ARCHIVES

Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun every year. Ever notice that the people who...

The shopper walked into a convenience store in search of notebooks. Seeing a manager standing nearby, she approached him and asked, "Do...

"Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a...

A friend of mine recently sought counsel for an issue in his life, and came back to me with this funny report... "My therapist told me the...

Jolene had wanted new kitchen cabinets for a long time, but her husband insisted they were an extravagance. But, when she went...

An elderly gentleman was invited to his a friends home for dinner one evening. He was impressed by the way his friend preceded every...

A man was on a walking holiday in a foreign country. He became thirsty, and decided to ask at a stranger's home for something to drink...

"I have to have a raise," the man said to his boss. "Three other companies are after me." "Is that so?" asked the boss...

In the frozen foods department of our local grocery store, I recently noticed a man shopping with his son. As I walked by...

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street...

An old miser at last went to his reward and presented himself at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter greeted him with appropriate jubilation...

A man is waiting at Grand Central Station for his train that leaves at 6 p.m. Curious about the time, and having forgot his watch, he looks around...

As he drove into a parking lot, John noticed that a pickup truck with a dog sitting behind the wheel was rolling toward a female pedestrian...

While talking about the plight of modern-day video games, an elderly gentleman once told me, "In my day, we didn't have virtual reality. If a...

A patient came into the doctor's office and felt in a great hurry to talk with the doctor. When the receptionist asked about the problem, the...

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a young Engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you...

At a golf course, four men approached the sixteenth tee. The straight fairway ran along a road and bike path fenced off on the left...

An elderly woman called the hospital to inquire about the health of a patient. "Hospital Operator? Hello, Darling. I'd like to talk...

On their anniversary night, Tom sat his wife down in the den with her favorite magazine, turned on the soft reading lamp, slipped off her shoes...

An old penny pincher had no friends. Just before he died he asked his doctor, lawyer, and pastor to gather around him at bedside...

It's bedtime, and a little girl is saying her prayers: "God bless Mommy and Daddy and me. And please make Madrid the capital of Australia...

One evening after work a man drove his secretary home after she was unable to start her car. Not desiring to concern his wife, he decided not...

A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aide. It cost me $4,000, but it's state of the art. All my hearing problems are...

A newsboy was standing on the corner with a stack of papers, yelling, "Read all about it. Fifty people swindled! Fifty people swindled...

A man is walking down a country road when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass, doing absolutely nothing. The man...

A stockbroker was "cold calling" about a penny stock and found Mr. Jones, a client. "I think this one will really move," said the broker, "it's...

While returning from a trip to visit his grandmother, a friend of mine was stopped by a state trooper in for exceeding the speed limit. Grateful to...

My grandfather worked in a blacksmith shop when he was a boy, and he used to tell me, when I was a little boy myself, how he had toughened...

Did you hear about the time when a president went to visit a nursing home? He walked up to a lady in a wheel chair...

Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around...

A police officer occasionally parked his cruiser in residential areas to watch for speeders. One morning he was staked out in a driveway when...

Mr. Smith was terribly overweight, so his doctor placed him on a strict diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip...

While recently riding on the bus standing up, a friend of mine grabbed onto the pole nearest her to keep herself steady while the bus traveled...

I've heard a lot of people recently talk about the price of gas. Of course, an impending war doesn't help ease one's concern, so here's a little...

When I recently arrived at a very popular restaurant, I was dismayed to find it very crowded. Going up to the hostess I asked, "Will it be long...

A fifteen-year-old son, bounding into the house full of energy after school, found his mom in sick and in bed. "Mom, are you really sick...

A devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later a cow walked up to him carrying the Bible...

When the young seminary graduate arrived at the small country Church to preach his first official sermon, he noticed it had snowed about three...

Two cowboy friends, Wally and Dallas, each bought a horse one summer. They enjoyed riding around and doing the things that cowboys do. When...

Because of an ear infection, a family friend had to take Casey, her son, to visit the pediatrician. She was impressed with the way...

A motorist, driving by a Texas ranch, hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and...

I recently heard a young child pray, "Dear God, please bless my mommy and daddy... and Jesus, take good care of Yourself. If anything happens...

It was the end of the day when the law enforcement officer parked his police van in front of the station. As he gathered his equipment, his K-9...

"How was your game, dear?" Tracy asked her husband, Jack, after he had returned from playing golf. "Well, I was hitting...

Catching her 3-year-old granddaughter in the act of eating her sister's snack, Susan confronted her about her conduct. "Are you eating...

A six-year-old son, calling his mother from his friend's house, confessed he had broken a lamp when he threw a football in their living room...

A friend recently took his two-year-old daughter to the home-improvement store. His daughter quickly became tired of walking, so he let...

An old pastor stood in his pulpit addressing the congregation about the drought that had lasted for at least 8 months. Filled with faith, he told...

I firmly believe there's no sense in being pessimistic... mainly because doing so...

A Baptist preacher and his wife decided they needed a dog. Ever mindful of their congregation, they knew the dog must also be Baptist. They...

Three engineers and three accountants were traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each bought tickets...

"I was flying with my nine-year-old son when a kindly stewardess asked him if he had any brothers and sisters. 'Five,' he replied...

The junior executive had been complaining all week to his wife about peculiar aches and pains he was having during work. Neither one...

On one particularly cheerful and sunny day a father was enjoying a sweet glass of lemonade, while comfortably reclined in his lawn chair...

A small boy was looking at the red ripe tomatoes growing in a farmer's garden. "I'll give you my two pennies for that tomato," said the boy...

A Sunday school teacher was teaching her class about the difference between right and wrong. "All right children, let's take another example...

A medical patient shook his doctor's hand in gratitude and said, "Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult you by offering...

A friend, who is not a good cook, recently told me, "I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and think, 'Well, that's...

A minister was forced to stop by a law enforcement officer, who pulled him over for speeding. As the officer was about to write the ticket...

A woman, looking very worried and all strung out, rushes to see her doctor. "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning...

Foresters often have to consult property owners to determine boundary lines. Walking up a dirt road to question one such individual, a forester...

In a country home that seldom had guests, the young son was eager to help his mother serve dinner and make a good impression after his...

My wife and I were browsing in a crafts store recently when I noticed a display of country-style musical instruments. After looking over the...

A rat looked through a crack in the wall to see the farmer and his wife opening a package. What food might it contain? He was aghast to...

Taking a seat in the classroom, Maxine (a freshman in college), braced herself for her last final examination of the year, which consisted only of...

"Cash, check or charge?" the cashier asked, while folding the items the woman wished to purchase. As the woman began fumbling for her wallet...

A boy was sitting on a park bench with one hand resting on an open Bible. He was loudly exclaiming his praise to God. "Hallelujah! Hallelujah...

A really big guy, looking for mischief, walked up to me once and said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll...

As a doctor completed the examination of his ill patient he said, "I can't find a cause for your complaint. Frankly, I think it's due to drinking...

A seven-year-old daughter was thrilled when her family took her to Disney World for the first time, and she headed straight for Space...

Eye have a spelling chequer, It came with my pea sea, It plainly marques four my revue, Miss steaks eye kin...

It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale (and some advertising in the local paper) were the main reason for the long line that had...

It was Palm Sunday, but five-year-old Johnny had to stay home from church because he was sick. When the family returned...

Recently Lori took her children to a restaurant. Her six-year-old son asked if he could say grace. As they bowed our heads he said, "God...

John went on a vacation to the Middle East with most of his family, including his mother-in-law. During their vacation and while they were...

Sally, during her nurse's training at a hospital, had little money for meals, so she often resorted to the food provided at the hospital complex, even...

If you can start the day without caffeine or pep pills, If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains, If you can resist complaining...

A boss was complaining in his staff meeting that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local sign shop and bought a...

A lawyer had successfully handled a difficult law case for a wealthy friend. Following the happy outcome of the case, the friend and client...

A flock of sheep are grazing in a field, happily going "baa baa" to each other and discussing life as usual when suddenly they hear a "moo...

A man hated his wife's cat and he decided to get rid of it. He drove 20 blocks away from home and dropped the cat there. The cat was...

Benny and Mark were eating lunch during their break hour at work, and were talking about how much their wives thought of them. "My wife...

An 80 year old man who went to the doctor for a check-up baffled the doctor by his good physical health. "To what do you...

One day shortly after the birth of her new baby, Lacy had to leave the house to complete some errands. So the proud papa stayed home to...

A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan, in which a man was beaten, robbed and left for dead...

One of my co-workers was recently attending a defensive driving course to have speeding points erased from his license. The instructor, a...

In a recent call to an information operator... Customer: "Information? I need the number of the Caseway Insurance...

One afternoon my wife was in the backyard hanging the laundry when an old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. My wife could tell from its...

An elderly man was very ill, and lay in his bed fully expecting to die at any time. In death's agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his...

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they drew, and she would occasionally walk around to see each child's...

LOCAL MAN WINS 'EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH AWARD' FOR 23RD STRAIGHT MONTH John Doe, a self-employed marketing...

An elderly woman and her little grandson, whose face was sprinkled with bright freckles, were spending a day at the zoo. Soon they joined lots...

Seeing her 11-year-old son perusing a website filled with photos of Britney Spears, Lori commented, "She certainly is pretty. Which picture...

NEW COMPANY POLICIES The following policies are hereby effective immediately: SICKNESS: We will no longer...

Two elderly ladies met at the laundry after not seeing one another for a long time. After inquiring about each other's health, one of the ladies...

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor...

A rich man went to his pastor and said, "I want you and your wife to take a three-month trip to the Holy Land at my expense. When you...

Right at the beginning of her long distance bus trip the lady seated herself right behind the bus driver. Every ten minutes or so she'd pipe...

A children's church minister was talking to his audience about the 23rd Psalm. He told the children about sheep, that they weren't smart and...

Signs that confirm your cooking abilities include... You use the smoke alarm as a cooking timer. You consider it a culinary success...